Choosing Forgiveness

When someone has hurt us, one of the most difficult things we have to face in resolving the situation is the act of forgiveness. Sometimes it feels like it's easier not to forgive and that the answer is to simply cut the person in question out of our lives...forever! In some cases...ending the relationship may be the right thing to do, but even in that case, we will only be free if we have truly forgiven them. If we hold on to our anger or bitterness, we only hurt ourselves because we are the ones harboring those feelings. CHOOSING to forgive is CHOOSING to let go of that heavy burden, CHOOSING to be free of the past, and CHOOSING not to perceive ourselves as victims.

One of the reasons that we CHOOSE to make forgiveness so hard, is that we feel we are condoning the actions of the person who caused our suffering, but this is just the lie we tell ourselves to justify our pain. In order to forgive, we simply get to a space where we are ready to stop identifying ourselves with the hurt that was caused. Forgiveness is something we CHOOSE for ourselves, and our forgiveness of others is an extension of our readiness to let go of our own pain and suffering, letting the past be exactly that...the past. Getting to this point begins with fully accepting what has happened. Through this process, we allow ourselves permission to feel and work through our "stuff".

It's helpful to communicate our feelings in writing over a period of days or even weeks. As we allow ourselves to say what we need to say and ask for what we need to heal, we often gain clarity. We eventually will get to a space to see clearly that we are finally free of the past. From here, we recognize that suffering comes from suffering, we learned the lesson served, and compassion for those who have hurt us naturally arises, bringing forth our new perspective. We are then CHOOSING forgiveness.